Counselling for Grief & Loss 

Grieving is a powerful and personal process that is uniqe to each individual as each person gieves in their own way and in their own time. There is no right or wrong way to grieve for the loss of a loved one and loss can also take many forms. It could be that you have moved to a new country, moved house or to a new area, are experiencing ill health, going through separation or divorce, changing jobs or facing redundancy, or it may even be that your children are all grown up and have fled the nest. Grieving and loss are an inevitable part of living. We all eventually grieve for someone or something. If you’ve lost a parent, a child, a sibling, friend, partner or spouse, you know that grief has the power to transform and change everything that has been a constant in your life.

According to Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, a Swiss American psychiatrist (author of the book On Grief and Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Loss), there are Five Stages of Grief:

Stage 1: Denial

At this stage there is disbelief, shock and numbness after hearing the ‘bad’ news. This is the stage when you might be saying:

“This can’t be happening to me”

Stage 2: Anger

When the numbness lifts, anger sets in and it may be easier to feel than the intense pain associated with what is being lost.  This deep rooted anger can be either directed inwardly towards one’s self or outwardly blaming others for the loss or death e.g. towards doctors, nurses, friends, family, and/or God for those who follow a faith. You might be asking:

“Why is this happening? Who is to blame?”

Stage 3: Bargaining

When feeling the sorrow and vulnerability of loss bargaining normally begins to take over the deeper feelings. This can be a desperate attempt to feel more in control of a situation that is totally chaotic and out of control, where control is totally imporssible.  It is characterised by an attempt to find or gain the impossible, or to look for a way out. Here the bargaining may include:

“Make this not happen, and in return I will…”

Stage 4: Depression

The full impact of the loss or death finally hits the person the moment the deeper feelings of sorrow, sadness, and sense of isolation set in and depression follows. This is the stage of feeling powerless in the face of impending doom and irriversible loss, when time can not be reversed, and the reality of living life without the loved one becomes too overwhelming. You might be thinking:

“I’m too sad to do anything.  I’m so unhappy I can’t go out or see anyone”

Stage 5: Acceptance

This is the final stage of the grief cycle when the individual comes to terms with what is happening in the here and now and begins to find a way of moving forward, whilst still keeping a memory of what life was like.  It is finding a balance between how life was in the past and what is yet to come. This is the stage when hope is rekindled and even though the pain of the loss is still felt, it becomes possible to imagine life beyond the loss. Here, you might be saying or feeling the following:

“I’m at peace with what happened.”

As each experience of grief is unique, complex and personal, as a counsellor I will tailor treatment to meet your specific needs.  This will most likely include working through Worden’s four tasks of mourning:

1. To accept the reality of the loss
2. To work through the pain of grief
3. To adjust to life without the deceased
4. To maintain a connection to the deceased while moving on with life

I aim to offer support and a safe space for you to talk about your feelings, whatever they may be.  It is only by identifying and reconnecting with your difficult and painful feelings that you can begin to regain the hope and strength to move forward one step at a time, and all in your own time.